Extracts From The Novels

Curvy Lovebox | Crumple Zone | Hooky Gear

CURVY LOVEBOX (XPress 1997)

Tax is running for his life. 24 hours to stay alive. 24 hours of pain and madness in the underbelly of the big smoke and all because of a wedding, Kilburn, and a girl named Riz.

Four am Monday

The music's still pumpin' out the PA as DJ Loopi DexDex makes his last stand. The place empties slowly but my E's rushin'. It's givin' me a hard on that I'm tryina hide by stuffin' my fists in my pocket. She's standin' with this friend who's like a seventies disco chick with more platform than Waterloo. They're both lookin' a bit pasty in the flashin' silver purple light. It's now or never so I go over an sor'a wedge in between her an' her friend. They ain't dancin' or nothin'. I stick my mouth up close to ear.

- Don'tcha like the music then?
- Nah it's all that jazzy funky shit. No fuckin' rave music, she says. Band was wicked though.
- Yeah I know'm. They're friends o' mine.

We look at each other. She's alright. Should be in uniform. Small an' glittery with no horns on her head. An' she don't look sick with me either. Over the other side the warehouse Ezra an' Deezee an' Zeb an' the rest o' their grunge metal band Frontloada are packin' up. I say to her to wait a second an' go over to Ez. I have to sift through the laggers who just float about til there ain't nothin' left to float about for. Some victim's getting' stretchered with a crocodile of dancers formin' behind. Another's getting' mouth to mouth on the stage with steam an' summer heat hangin' above like a poison cloud.

Ez is foldin' up drum stands like he was an action hero with a machine gun. Bein' a short guy his Reebs seem to reach his knees. An' with his bala pulled down to his nose I have to talk to his laughin' teeth.

- Listen man… ask a favour yeah? Got this-
- Yeah I noticed. Want the keys?
- Na mean.
- Iss parked round the uvver side o' Tooley. You got bou' four an' a 'alf minutes.
- Safe.
- Safe? Takes me bou' four an' a 'alf to roll one on. I'll time ya.

I go back kickin' through the empty beer cans vodka cocktail an' lucozade bottles all over the floor. She's whisperin' to her friend but they stop talkin' when they see me. The swingin' keys do the talkin' They exchange a smirky look an' she follows pushin' through the sweaty crowd an' out the warehouse.
Down Bermondsey Street there's cabs everywhere fuckin' each other up an' little scuffles breakin' out. A bottle flies but don't seem to land. There's clappin' an' runnin' for no reason. Some guy in nothin' but pants is climbin' a lamppost shoutin':

- WHERE'S MA CROO? WHERE'S MA CROO? WHERE THEY GONE?

Further down two mad fuckers're grabbin' onto each other's t-shirts an' growlin' murder. She takes hold of my hand. I pull her close. We're suddenly together against the chaos goin' down. One driver's openin' up this other cab that's already full.

- YOU WAS MY FUCKIN' FARE. You was all my fare. OUT. Come on. OUT. You're comin' wi' me… Ge' ou' the fuckin' car. Ge' ou' the fuckin' car.

Red an' green lasers splash round catchin' blond ponies skanky beards orange liptstick gold teeth. There's people millin' everywhere. Coolin' off on the pavement. Crashed out on bonnets. Passin' wraps with handshakes. Suckin' down spliff in shadow. Raggamuffins. Ravers. Ruffnecks. HARDCORE GIRLS in black like stormtroopin' death squads. Designer posses worried about tarnishin' up their trainers. A set of Japanese Elvis fans queuin' real patient to get mugged. Even grunge stoodents from out of town. An' a loada nobodies to make up the numbers.

We go left toward Tooley Street. The music's fadin' but I can make out Frontloada's new single: I tried to reach nirvana but I only got near Kilburn. I let go her hand an' put my arm round her. Feels like I'm gonna split from the heat. But the air from the river's fresher. Makes me dizzy enough to forget everythin'. I slump over her so's she has to carry my weight. She's laughin' under the strain. Then pretendin' to squeak like a mouse.

- EE EE EE, goes the mouse with each step.

On the corner of Berm an' Crucifix I spot Ezra's red VW van more like dumped than parked an' we cross over.

- Ain't doin' it unless you got a condom, she says.

I unlock the slide an' take this condom out my pocket. It's been down there some time. The wrap's crumpled at the edges. She ain't bothered. She looks at the slide an' I pull it open like it was the entrance to a frilly fuck palace. Instead of a stanky diesel hole.

We clamber in an' try an' get comfy but in the end give up an' go for it right there on a mattress an' a drum stand that won't go out the way. Can't even feel her skin she's wearin so many t-shirts an' shit. An' in the dark I can't find where her clothes begin. I'm peelin' off stuff that just ain't got no point like a kinda boob toob arrangement three layers down with another four to go. But I don't say nothin'.

Neither does she. She's quiet like she ain't even there. One moment or another I can see light in her eyes starin' far off into the dark. I just pull an' grope about somewhere between her washed out pale face an' purple docs.

- You smell of… somethin'…
- Iss jasmine.
- Yeh… nice. Jasmine. But I'll call you Riz ok, I say still tryina make a space in her clothes.
- Wha' for?
- Cos your face glows in the dark like a rizla.

She pulls my head down towards her mouth. I feel the cold of her metal rings on the back of my shaved neck. For a second I can't see the whole thing happenin'. We're mangled in clothes. I just feel the drum stand scrapin' against my shin. Smell of oil an' stale fag ends. Creaks from mattress an' suspension like a daft comedy. Then I'm bonin' away like a crazy dog cos o' the E.

She takes all this in silence with the drum stand clankin' an' the river flowin' through the yellow dark like forever. Then I'm done. She kinda smiles still pale an' tries to sit up pullin' down her t-shirt. But I stay on top of her rollin'an''squeezin' her sides til she giggles. Out the blue she says:

- Issem blokes again. Out there…
- Wha'? I'm mumblin'. Wha' blokes?
- Over there by the car.

I get off of her an' squint round through the gap in the slide then out the back window. I'm rollin' off the rubber an' tryin' to pack myself up balancin' on my knees. Two guys with their backs toward us are feelin' around in the boot of their car on the opposite corner. They're in shadow. An' with most of the car out of sight I can't tell who they are.

- Wha' bou' them?
- They had a loada money on em innit. They was wavin' it round the whole time. Ask anyone. They ain't tough or nothin'… D'y'know'm? Bigger one had a wallet inside… D'y'know'm then?

I look at her sort of dreamy. I'm well out of it an' still tryina get my dick back in. They're talkin' in low voices that I can't make out. Then one of em laughs.

- Gaaaaa.

Koom. Ain't no other laugh like his. An' with him's got to be his brother li'l Joey. Top of Nood's tick list.

- You know'm innit.

She can tell from my face that I do. I look her over wonderin' if all the answers'd just lead to the same thing. Could say I knew em real well an' that would be the end of it. Whatever it is.

- Don't really know em no. Not really. Friends of friends. Na mean.
- So you don't know em.

I know exactly what she's thinkin'. She looks at me like this is a thing that's got to be done. Like it was all a big playground where you can fall over an' the bruises heal up by magic. An' in a way it is. Only there'll be hell to pay. Nood was gonna do em for his money after the weddin'. This way… I don't have to say nothin'.

We sit there watchin' em for untold time. Riz don't even look at them. Just me. Like I'm supposed to be the one the only one. Only I know she's on a buzz. An' when you're on a buzz there's only you. Koom an' Joey're still fiddlin' in the boot happy go lucky like they was packin' for Cyprus. I try to say som'in that don't commit me but all that comes out is:

- They're bendin' over for it Riz…
- Gonna do it then?

Which is a yes or no sor'a question.

- Issup to me innit…

I'm lookin' them over weighin' it all an' thinkin' no. An' even when I think of them as a coupla dumb cunts for not keepin' an eye out I'm thinkin' no. An' thinkin' bou' Riz even more no goes through my head. Like a big no cos it ain't for her. It'd be for me. For my buzz.

I look up an' down the street. My heart starts goin' an' I tense up when I see it's clear. But even grippin' the handle of the slide like it was the throat of a shitface enemy an' hatin' em which is easy I'm still thinkin' no. But Riz knows more about wha'm gonna do than me. She kneels up by the window for the view.

- Don't get out til I tell ya.
- Gonna do it then? She says like it was still a question.

But I don't move. I can't move. I just know I have to. When I'm ready which is at no point in particular I open the van door quiet as I can. Taste of the river in my mouth. Diesel water. Rank shit. I slip out into the warm air an' just walk up behind em. Each step's straight an' silent but gets me no nearer knowin' wha'm gonna do or even if. But somethin's gonna happen. I'm crouchin' more the closer they get. They're too busy. Too fat with themselves to know shit. A second later they're big. There's a spot on Koom's neck. A crease on Joey's shirt.

They don't hear fuck til it's too late. Li'l Joey gets a kick in the nuts from behind an' keels over like he's dead his arms coverin' his head. My teeth're grindin'. Koom tries to turn but he's carryin' too much load round the gut. I just lay into him before he can see my face. Punch him in the head so's he goes down. Then in the nose over an' over with this rage buildin' inside. Three four times. More. His head keeps bouncin' up off of the road every time. Fuck his ass. I mash his fuckin' nose. Fuckin' joker. Mash it good I'm thinkin'. For everythin'. For anythin' anyone ever done to me. He ain't gonna forget by the morning after. He ain't gonna forget period. A spotlight off a riverboat spreads shadows across the street. I can see blood. Only it looks black. Smooth an' thick as tar. Settin' solid on the pavement in the shape of the words I was here. It's difficult to know when enough's enough.

They had it comin'. I get another rush off the E. Love an' peace innit. Sometimes I'm blown away by what I can do. But they had it comin' an' everyone'll say so. As long as they don't know it's me. Breathin' like I'm chokin' I look through for the wallet. Can't hardly grip it cos my fingers're so tensed. Well fat with paper though. I leaf it out an' creep back toward Riz feelin' shaken.

But as I reach the van she busts out an' starts runnin' an' I have to follow her down the street like a fool. Middle of the fuckin' night an' we're runnin'. Can't believe it. We don't look back til we're almost at the warehouse an' mingled in again. There's cops arrived further up tryina sort the night from the comin' day. Nobody pays no attention to us. Riz don't even ask if I'm ok or what. Just stops out of breath an' starts gigglin' like issall a big laugh. I pull her into a doorway keepin' my back to the people.

- Iss loads innit, Riz goes.
- Yeah a wedge.
- Told y'I saw it. Gi's some then.

I peel off a coupla twenties an' give em over but she don't look happy.

- Za' all you're givin' me?

So I give her another an' balls the rest. She's lookin' at her money about to open her mouth again.

- Thass i' Riz baby… Sixty's go'a be enough for your piggybank. I done the work.
- Salright, she shrugs, ain't savin' i'. Skank off school an' go up the West End or som'ing.
- Yeah? Like a bi'a muggin' an' shoppin' before your porridge do you?
- Wha'? You're well weird.

The she starts to go all mushy. I can see it in her face. Like a droopin'. Dreamy eyes lookin' up at me.

- D'y'want my phone number then?
- No. Bu' gi's i' anyway, I joke.

She says she's got to whisper it in my ear so I let her. Only the bitch blows a mega raspberry into it an' splits fast as she can for her crew. I clean out my ear an' yell:

- DON'T GO BLABBIN' Y'FUCKIN' HEAD OFF.

But I know she's gonna. Just hope it ain't north of the river. They never seen my face. Better not have. They'll turn up at Nood's weddin' an' if it clicks with them… But it won't. They'll just count their teeth offa Tooley Street an' nobody'll know cos they'll have some flash story set for their reputation. I take the keys back to Ezra rememberin' the van's still open.

The band's just startin' to lug gear out. Deezee with keyboards. Zeb with a guitar on his shoulder. Roadies with silver boxes. An' Jace an' Daisy catwalkin' an' laughin' in harmony. The crowd's all bugeyed. Evereyone's checkin' em out an' steppin' aside like they was headpriests with lightnin' comin' out their asses. Fola's with em a juiced up cab driver from Peckham trackin' their comin' an' goin' with a bottle of montezuma gold in his hand.

- Call that four an' a 'alf? says Ez grinnin'.

I flip the keys into his palm.

- She got the extras innit.
- Yeah? Gi's the brochure sometime. I could do with a few ideas.

Fola leans in close laughin' in spurts with tequila drippin' from his fuzzy chin an' love beads swingin' from his neck.

- A'right man you ah really working in tha coalmine. You know what I mean. Like you jost see one thing and you jost go foh it and nothing else can mattah. Really smashing. Really groovy. Babes everywhere man firing vibes. Jost pahtee atmosphere. Body language. Play tha game. Coalmine feeling. To-tahly smashing. One way ticket to pa-ra-dise. Discostyle. Smashing and totahly groovy. Anyone foh a cab?

Ez an'me look at each other.

- You mobile or you wanna a ride up Kilburn? he says pointin' to the crowd troopin' down to the VW.

Before I can answer Zeb's there takin' off his red soaked sweatshirt his face screwed angry an' his funky twists lookin' soppy as seaweed.

- That was the worst fuckin' gig we ever done an' you know wha'-
- Fuck off we's blindin' innit, says Ez lookin' at me.
- They was bangin' with you man, I say reassurin' him.
- See wha'm sayin'? If he's sayin' they was bangin' they was bangin' an' we's blindin' so don't give me no negativity shit specially righ' now when we're rockin' an' the crowd is gaggin' for your cheesy smile. Innit.

But Zeb looks more likely to buy sensible tupperware than this shit.

- The light man missed all his fuckin' cues. I's riffin' in a fuckin' cellar rudeboy.
- Well nobody threw nothin' at the stage so wha' the fuck you want a poncey slowhander to round it off?

Zeb just spit on the floor an' skulk off seekin' other consolation.

- He'll get over it, Ez grins. So you comin' or wha'?
- Nah safe. I had 'nough o' drum stands for one night y'na mean.
- Yeah an' you got Nood comin' on strong innit. Get this: I asked em why they's leavin' early an' Nood goes: I need my beauty sleep.

We crease up with with Ez repeatin' the line a few times for the extra mileage. I could do with a ride bad cos it's a long walk for me an' I ain't got my car but I can't face the shit I go'a talk with the band. The moanin 'bou' each other an' the heavy duty politics like they was warlords carvin' empires of sound. Me an' Ez shake an' I'm about ready to go.
But Fola slaps my back grinnin'. He lifts his tequila toward my mouth which I open wide with joy. He pours a good long shot down my throat. It hits the spot so good I have to grab the bottle out his shakin' hand an' take another an' another til Fola sobers swipin' it back.

- Hey shitface tequilagroovah-

But by then I'm flyin'. I give the resta the band a wave lik I ain't got a care.

- La'ers.
- Yeah, says Ez, Nood's magic moment…

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Curvy Lovebox | Crumple Zone | Hooky Gear